THE CRUCIBLE is over... booo

Revelations a-plenty in the land of me (lambistan). My lungs sound like a 50 year old miner thanks to the dust in the crypt. I worry when I cough that a brick will come out.

I have been trying to sleep all day but have been woken repeatedly by my hip, which is clearly determined to destroy my life. My painkillers only woke when I take double the dose and then it makes my insides go OUCH. I complain too much.

On Thursday it was the first performance of the play and it was fucking AWESOME even though I threw up with nerves at work in the morning (aka I "did a Kevin"). It was the most amazing performance, and I got really hyperactive afterwards and was quite rude to my ex, although in fairness, he was wearing leggings. Me and G went to ULU, where M was in really fine fettle and tried to convince G to come and live in Hong Kong with us next year. For some reason we ended up at the 333, despite it being at the top of the list of places I never want to go to again (due to the events of December 2002 and the ensuing... what would you call it? calamity?). But it was alright, a girl kissed my forehead and told me I was beautiful. Aw, fanks.

Friday's performance lacked that thing that had made Thursday's so good - nervous tension maybe? I felt a bit funny cos of G, I think.

Yesterday's performance was cooler than cool, though. I feel so bereft without the play now. Though I don't miss my costume, or having to creep creep creep around because of the creaky boards. But ah, I miss my drama-family, and it will be weird to have evenings to myself again. What will I do? Actually I know what I'll do - I'll play my violin (tendonitis permitting) and I'll write my essays. I'm working full time from tomorrow. Urgh. But money = necessary. I'll miss the feeling of performing as well - that rush you get, and the feeling of disconnection to everything tangible and real. I remember now why I wanted to be a violinist. I get such a kick out of that adrenalin, the culmination of all that practice and mind-numbing technique and discipline... the way I feel so sick and like my head will blow off and just ALIVE.

After the performance, I went to the pub with my cousin, #1 and SB, and then me and my cousin went to the after party, though he didn't stay long. It was fun - I danced with A (whose mum said I was the best in the play! I was really chuffed until he told me that his mum can't really speak english. It's still cool though, I reckon), some girl took terrible terrible pictures of me, I snogged my friend, I did some karaoke, I did some fucking PUBLIC SPEAKING (is this the same me as a year ago?), and then some fuckwit stole C's phone so I walked her home. I got home just after 6.30 and couldn't sleep.

I feel a bit weird now to be honest. The prospect of no play, and full time work stretching ahead of me is unsettling. Snogging your friends is always a headfuck. I saw two out of three of my ex boyfriends this week. One of the lecturers at uni has asked me out. I don't know whether this is an abuse of position?

I need to do some violin practice before I am fed a roast dinner - mmmmmm domestic life is nice sometimes.