Countdown: T minus 3 days

Dissertation is due at the end of the week.
Dissertation is in no way ready.

My mind is gone a little bit. I can't string words together any more and I feel like crying quite a lot. Quite randomly too. Like walking up the road, having conversations with people. The other day I started thinking really depressive thoughts and got in a bit of a state about it, but five minutes later I was fine. Up and down. Work is stressful. I wish SS was back, I spoke to him today and realised that I miss him a lot (even if he's mean to me when he's there!). I don't feel ready to hand in my dissertation or to finish this part of my life. I don't want everyone to leave London. Next week I start work five days a week, and then that will be my life. I think I would quite like to run away from my life. Thoughts like this are making me miserable.

I'm okay though.

The other things making me miserable is my hip. My operation is scheduled for the 28th September, although the hospital keep trying to move it forward. Sometimes I think the pain is all in my head, and that a 23 year old with no real history of accidents (affecting the hip anyway) shouldn't have hip pain. And on days when it doesn't really hurt, I wonder if I've made it all up. The last few days have been really painful though, and I know something is wrong. I don't know, I seem to court drama but when it happens then I'm unhappy.

In other, less miserable, news, I can type pretty fast now but it is lazy typing as I use autocorrect to put all the capitalisation in. And it is making my wrists quite sore (yeah haha no wanking).

I'm really looking forward to this weekend, and being rid of the dissertation. I have reached the point where I just don't care about it anymore, I just want it to be finished. We're all going out on friday, and J is coming to London, which I'm looking forward to immensely. Days really drag without him. Apparently we are "like cheese and pizza, like chalk and a chalkboard", which is a really nice description from someone I wasn't expecting.

At www.zoovienna.at you can hear the sound of a baby panda squeaking! It's amazing!!

Boooo

Dissertation is due in 9 days. I have only written 4000 words so far.

And now I am ill. I have swollen glands and a sore throat and I am feeling very sorry for myself. I want to curl up under my duvet and watch dvd's until I feel better but instead I am staring at blank word documents and feeling miserable about the fact that my dissertation is rubbish.

When I am not doing my dissertation I am quite miserable as well, as now everyone is leaving and it's really sad. On friday night I cried and poor J looked after me. He's so lovely. I really didn't want him to see me being all emotional and rubbish, but he was so nice to me. But I guess it's only going to get worse because soon everyone will go and it will just be me - and by then, I will only have one leg. Boo.

Work is quite stressful too at the moment. I cut my arm carrying cardboard boxes and got cramp in my hands from holding down Ctrl + V. I really am feeling sorry for myself, I do apologise.

On a good note, in the last two days I have received TWO parcels in the post! Yesterday's didn't get delivered and is waiting for me at the sorting office (it's the dvd's and cd I ordered), but todays is lovely lovely (the book I left at J's at the weekend).

Also, look at what we managed to do to a tyre!! Breaking down on the motorway is surprisingly more fun than it used to be as a kid.