Alright, so I've given up drinking for a month. Yep. Early onset alcoholism (ah fuck it, it was fairly well developed) and liver disease were beckoning and I thought "errrr wasn't I meant to be a high achiever once upon a time? wasn't I meant to be the girl who was going to go far?" So yes, that's me off the sauce for a month. It's going alright so far though I have replaced booze with tea and I now drink more tea than my mum, something I didn't think possible. The reasons for this bout of sobriety are many, but here are a couple:
- my insides hurt and I think I have bowel disease
- bearing in mind it's been two months, that means I have wasted the entire summer getting hammered, which isn't great
- when #1 suggested not drinking in the house, I thought to myself "maybe I could just not drink in bed, and I could drink in the kitchen instead, a bit more civilised, like" and then I realised that drinking in bed every night (and some mornings, okay I admit it) = alcoholism
- while it's fun to have memories of a night out come back to you in bits and pieces, having large blanks is not so cool
- my brother knows a guy who has to sleep upside down in a special harness cos that way the toxins start to drain out of his liver, and not only would this be a bit of a bummer, man, but it would be impossible cos of my hip
- also, enough is enough
I have in fact managed to waste my entire summer moping and drinking and crying. Oh my god I have cried so much and I am so sorry for everyone. It's like I've lost all my passion, the thing that made me so different. I have cried and cried about a situation I could never have done anything about and which I should never have gotten into. Why I didn't see some sort of sense back then I really don't know, but I will blame a general lack of common sense with what Mariella Frostrup calls "relationship goggles". The funniest (in an ironic, not an actually amusing way) thing is that when I split up with cockface (come on, it's funny to call him that!) I thought never again will I get into something where I am at a disadvantage, this is not what the suffragettes suffered for etc. And I even convinced myself that I was being well feminist and ooooh look at me, when actually, it was all on his terms and I should have run away at the first possible opportunity, as all it got me was hurt and lied to (yes, lied to, for all his protestations).
But you know what? I am so over that. Seriously. Enough. I don't need that shit, and you know what, that shit doesn't need me. I have a hundred different things to be getting on with, thanks very much.
The final obstacle between me and my masters has been removed. Yes, that's right. I got my loan sorted out. Six grand. Eeeek. Now it's money, check. New shoes, check. Pencil case, check. Pens, check. Books, check. Paper, check. Right now go to school. Yes boss.
Sobriety began on Saturday morning, which means that I could complete my week of carnage. On Thursday I went out for what was ostensibly one pint with someone from work but turned into five and then a trip into Soho to meet some other people, though not before there was a suicide on the underground and then me wandering around Soho pretending I knew where I was going and getting irate that people were asking where I was. Anyway, met up with the boy that I'm seeing and far too much wine was drunk and garlic shots consumed, and by the end of the night I think everyone had retched at least once. I nearly got knocked over by some pushy Americans and I lost a hoop, but my friend got his phone stolen when he fell asleep on the tube. You see? You see why I shouldn't drink?? Sobriety is the new grey which is the new brown which is the new black.
Nevertheless, I went to Clapham on Friday to have a few with Wolf. Some proper sheep shearing rednecked Aussies tried to start a fight with me. I got called a thieving wench. I laughed so hard that staropramen came out of my nose. We had wanted to go to an old mans pub, something like the Holloway, but Clapham is rather thin on the ground when it comes to such establishments, mainly cos it's populated by tossers. Wolf and I ended up feeling old and jaded and the most important thing I took away from the evening was that low rise shoes are the thing right now.
Saturday, the day of sobriety, heralded a day of cleaning and generally sorting my life out. I went round to S's and we watched Clueless. On the way home a man tried to touch me at the bus stop, so I moved to another bus stop. He followed me. I moved again. He followed again. He stared at me and tried to touch me again. I stood up and shouted at him: "What the fuck is your problem? If you try and touch me one more time, so help me god I will stamp on your fucking eyeballs!" Then I went and stood with some hard looking people cos I was well scared and thought "please don't rape me, please don't kill me". But twas all good.
On Sunday my middle brother came round. Middle Lamb diagnosed my computer as being basically FUCKED so we went into town and bought a new hard drive. I have lost all my music and photos. I well miss my music, but I have downloaded the only song that really matters (The Undertones). It was cool to see my brother though, it's like a proper Lamb convention in Camp Mansions these days. I should really go to Leamington to see him soon. The upside of the whole computer thing, however, is that yay I have a working computer in my room again, which means I can write my blog lots and annoy people on msn and myspace and watch dvd's in bed. It's a good life.
Today I got me a bit of cultural capital by going to the V&A to see the Islamic art, and I wore a mini-skirt into town and then drank lots of tea and did silly things. THAT'S IT.
Oh yeah, and I'm not judging, but hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. You know it.
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8 comments:
Hattie, I'm glad to hear it! The best of luck to you.
Merci beaucoup Mike. Let's meet up soon x
Woo! to you feeling a bit better and noce work on the loan. Is it one of them career development type loans, or just a random unsecured job?
It's a career development loan and I was able to get it on the phone, only took 20 mins or so. 6.9% APR, payable back over 3 years. Seems reasonable to me but then again I'm desperate and needed the money no matter what the conditions...
It's far better than the credit card I was offered though - 49.9% APR, no word of a lie. Extortion.
YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!
But what is that "THATS IT" all about.
i am WELL excited about this. And its WELL nice not drinking because you get to buy cool things and have fun nights in. Tis all about the hair colourage, yup yeh yep.
im not judging either but tee-hee. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The "that's it" was cos I ran out of energy and needed some tea. You know that I had a lovely time and I didn't need to write any more. Also it was for comedy effect cos a whole day passed where I did so little and it was kinda like "errr, that IS it".... I think I need to keep more busy. Should get a hobby or something?
Not drinking is awesome. I am going to buy lots of books with all this money I am saving.
I'm never one to judge, but come on. What a loser! Hahah! xxxxxxx
49.9%?
Fuck! Surely that's totally rephensible to have that level of interest.
Mind you, credit cards are morally dubious for most of the country, myself included.
Nice one again though. I may even follow your example of not drinking for a month. Good luck with that, and stay strong in the face of temptation.
x
That credit card is the only one I can get though cos of the fiasco when I last got one, and the massive debts I amassed by basically lying to the bank and undoing a button on my shirt so as to get a second bank account. Me + banks = a terrible mistake.
Not drinking is amazing. Now I drink tea and I still manage to fall off the bed and do stupid goat dances, so it seems I didn't need the booze. Give it a go!
That said, I well wanted a drink earlier. Fucking alcoholic!! xx
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