I took a hammer to it all

I always think of things to write on this when I am nowhere near a computer, and then when I'm on one, I can't think of a thing. Like my dissertation really. Though less likely to make me fail my Masters.

Today I woke up and I think I have groin strain, or a pulled muscle in my leg or something. Annoyingly, it's my good leg, so I am hobbling like a hobbit, or some other hobbling thing. I went to the doctors earlier (unrelated) and to get a blood sample, the doctor tied a rubber glove around my arm as well as the normal strap. DIY NHS.

I'm at uni today, doing some work on the dissertation. What fun. I need to get a large amount done (preferably 5000 words) by the end of this weekend. We shall see.

Last night was book group, and we were meant to be discussing "Atonement", only I hadn't finished it, nor had many others, so we didn't talk about the book much. We went to S&M, in Islington, which very tasty. Sometimes sausages and mash are just what you need, though being a dirty veggie, I'm limited to quorn sausages or various vegetable things. Mash is lush as well, proper easy food. I've recently been craving macaroni cheese, so I guess that explains my current love for surprisingly bland food (odd, considering how much chilli sauce I get through). The only real downside of last night was that I was in a really weird mood. When I am in that mood I shouldn't be out, I should be at home where I won't inflict my mood on others. I couldn't speak to anyone, and was quite consumed with self-loathing. Nice to see that my mental state is as fucked as ever I suppose. I am quite sick of it to be honest, this constant feeling of sadness and misery and all this kind of stuff. Plus, I know that I take it out on J, and sometimes I am so moody with him. I feel really bad, as he is always so lovely to me. I worry that one day he will get bored of me. He says he won't, and I do believe him... but I am a pain in the arse, so it is still a possibility (a horrible possibility). He makes me very happy, but it's annoying that we live so far away from each other :( I'm sure it doesn't help, with me feeling miserable already. One day...

Last weekend was cool though. J came to London on thursday until saturday, and then we went to Cambridge on saturday night to go to a party. The party was funny, mainly thanks to a man called Roderick, who was eventually thrown out for putting a cigarette out on someones knee. At one point he picked up the (not ringing, or even plugged in) house phone and started having a conversation with his invisible friend, before trying to pass it to me. When we got home, I threw up and so most of sunday was spent in bed feeling miserable and watching Black Books and cuddling. Went to the blues jam in the evening and saw a boy who looked like Harry Potter play a version of Gangsta's Paradise.

I could write this all day (quite a bit has happened really, I suppose) but I really need to do some work instead of spending all day on facebook and listening to the same two Silver Jews songs again and again and again...