Hats : will fuck for an ipod

I got told to update this but I don't really know what to write. The heat - and our broken air conditioning (or "AC" as I call it, to #1's vast amusement) in the office - is getting to me a bit. I don't mind sweating, I really don't (though I don't like other people sweating), but I can't think in this airless box they call my office. I seem to have given up wearing normal clothes at home. If I have to leave the flat I wear a red sundress that I'm fairly sure is quite indecent (this might explain the man chasing me around Sainsbury's the other day, but I think actually, he's insane and it was nothing to do with that). If I don't have to go out I wear these really hideous purple boxer shorts. They're truly awful, but I don't care. Yesterday I was chatting to a guy from work, who was recommending going to the Lido. I told him I hadn't shaved my legs and that I looked like I was recovering from measles (some fucking insect has made a tasty meal out of me). He said he didn't know about the measles, but I should just avoid rubbing my legs against anyone. I told him that I wasn't going to rub my legs against anyone, and that in fact, if anyone touched me or my legs, it would be a violation of my human rights because I just don't want to be touched, okay? Which was precisely the moment someone else wandered up and gave my friend a look like "why are you trying to molest this girl?", which is all quite fun. I have been mainly entertaining myself by acting in inappropriate ways and saying stupid things. My neighbours overheard (deliberately) me yesterday describing the really depraved sex I wanted to have. I think - though I can't be sure, as I may have just thought about saying it, as I was really pissed - I announced to #1 the other night that I was going to go and have a really big wank. Doing stuff like saying "cunt" in confined public spaces is not big nor clever, but I'm seriously bored and I can't think of much else to do. Oh yeah, apart from drinking. And sweating.

The French government have started advising people to take three showers a day to keep cool... and at the same time telling people to conserve water. I told this to the postman at work and he was like "yeah, but it's not like they'll use soap, the French smell!", (I would like to point out that he's not an employee here, he's the Royal Mail chappy). R tells me that last year the GLC put up signs and things telling people to have a shower before getting on the tube because the smell was so bad - I don't remember this, but it made me laugh.

On Monday (though it quite feasibly could have been any day) I went to the Commercial with #1 for a "treat" before we checked out the new improved Sainsbury's (which is shit - though #1 was funny as she went straight to the tills and demanded to know what was new. When they said nothing, she said: "well that's a bit shit then"), and anyway, we saw Jenny Eclair. Have you all heard my Jenny Eclair story? I sold her a jumper once when I worked at that exploitative-scum-shop (aka Gap), and went in the changing room with her and everything, yeah get me. Anyway, there she is, in the Commercial, and me and #1 are having some pints and being a bit stupid. #1 said, quite loudly, "I think I'm bored with shagging now" (clearly my tourettes style sex talk is contagious), causing Jenny Eclair to look over. #1 went bright red, and started spluttering, but Jenny (I think I'll be informal and just call her Jenny) said she was just eyeing our cigarettes enviously, as she'd just given up... Then proceeded to eye up our cigarettes for the rest of the night, though I personally think she was eyeing up #1.

I'm sure there are lots of other exciting things to write about but right now all I can think about it having a shower. That and an ipod. I have become completely obsessed with the idea of having an ipod, to the point that I genuinely believe my life will be complete if I have one. Which of course is ridiculous, as I can't afford to get one, and I am not having a good track record with technology at the moment anyway. But they're so cool... The little tiny ones... I would be scared of breaking it, but I would love it so much. Almost as much as I loved my cat. Maybe more.

Oh yeah, I was going to write about something that happened the other week. I was in the pub with G and he was taking the piss out of my "peasant fags" (as in, roll ups). G has never bought tobacco, only ever real cigarettes (though this is the boy/man whose parents gave him a credit card to their account when they went on holiday "for emergencies" and he racked up three grand in three weeks). I told him that I knew that I would have arrived in the world when I could buy real fags and shop in Waitrose, and some guy sitting near us, who I had never seen before in my life, turned around and said, "I'm sorry, but that's fucking pathetic - what kind of an aspiration is that?" I don't get it. How is that a bad aspiration? I've been really poor for ages, and I would just like to be able to buy fancy food and not have to roll every cigarette I smoke. What's wrong with that? I think it's perfectly reasonable, hell, it's reasonable to dream about chocolate brown labradors. Part of me thinks 'fuck it' cos I only have another six years of this - as in, in six years I will be 28 and will just want to have kids. That's how it goes, I am learning. You get to 28 and you just think "fuck this shit, I want some bairns". I have already arranged that I will have kids at the same time as S and D, though D's kids will probably bully my kids and S's chavvy kids. It will be a sweet existence until someones husband starts shagging the au pair and I get hooked on the kids Ritalin.