What I wrote on the back of an envelope at 2am last night

You know that scene in 'True Romance' where she's like "and all I could think, was, 'you're so cool, you're so cool, you're so cool'" - well, all I could hear was "but Hats, I'm in love with you!" It was like I could see the whole thing from birdseye view. Me having puked at the bus stop, him holding my bag, me going on about some drunken shit, and N saying that. Out of the blue. Like he'd thought about it. And I honestly thought he meant it. Maybe he did. And that might be worse.

I am sick of lying to people. I never told huge lies, apart from the time of the "bad thing", the thing I don't talk about. And to G, who I treated abysmally, but he says he has forgiven me (and why?). The past aside - I am lying to everyone I know right now. Aside from the "how are you?" "oh, I'm x" (insert suitable adjective to sound convincing - "fine" or "alright" will not do), I am lying about two distinct things to seperate people or groups of people. And I hate myself for it.