Fuck me it's freezing. I'm wearing two jumpers and two pairs of socks and I'm still really cold. I'm glad I spent all day in bed. Essays - nah. Staying under the duvet watching episodes of a show about some Canadian white trash - yeah, like all the way. It's super-foggy outside too. I seriously doubt I will be going out again until spring or something.
Last night G came round and we went to the pub. #1 came along too and we got far more smashed than I thought we would. I climbed on top of #1 and told her I loved her and we kept exclaiming how much we'd missed each other. She reckons that if one of us had been male, we would be so well suited to each other. How crap would it be if your soulmate (or similar less-cheesy sounding alternative) was the wrong gender to fancy you, or you them? Though it would be about my luck. I seem to have a real thing about unrequited love. Actually, my "love life" (and I think the quotation marks are fitting) is somewhat of a joke. I could write a really good book. When I get dumped for the immortal words "I'm going to marry my cousin", I don't blink as this has become NORMAL. My ex boyfriend was a compulsive liar. And I've just realised that this is applicable to all of my exes. Fuck. Dying alone suddenly doesn't seem like such a bad idea when you think about it.
Anyway, things with G took some amusing turns as he accidentally let slip in the pub that he'd cheated on me. I got really sad cos I suddenly wondered whether he'd loved me at all - though I know he did. Hmm. He won't tell me who it was but I have my suspicions. He also said that despite the fact that I screwed him over (when I met someone I thought was (and still suspect could be) the love of my life), he still thinks I'm trustworthy and that I've never done anything bad to him. This is quite clearly a lie. Then he said that he liked me. Erm then I was sick. No actually. So we left and went home and cooked a pizza and G got really stoned and I had to feed him water cos he couldn't do it himself, and then we fell asleep and hugged all night.
But this is no fairy tale happy ending as he will be shagging someone else by tomorrow. And although we quite clearly love each other in some sort of retarded way, and we spent the day watching tv and hugging and kissing and being stupid, it doesn't actually mean anything as I don't think I really mean anything to him. This makes me a bit sad.
However. And there is always a however. However, G has been giving me dating (or "snaring") advice and his verdict: I am in with a chance. So we'll see, despite the fairly unanimous conclusion that I will never do anything about it, as "it's too late" (G's words) and "I'm a spaz" (my words).
It's been quite a week of revelations as I was informed that NO my brother was not named after the guy who lived across the road from us, he's named after my grandpa. Also, did you know that in the countryside they don't have mains gas? I feel like Town Mouse whenever I go to the countryside.
Christmas preparations still stand at zero.
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