I just love having a day off work. I feel so refreshed and happy. Yesterday evening I literally bounced up Battersea High Street. Not walked, but bounced. Fantabulous.
When I got home I watched Question Time, which soured the day somewhat. I simply cannot believe how bigoted some people living in this country are. So Simon Hughes is gay. So what? Does it really matter? Can gay people make decisions about education, foreign policy, health care… I’d say they can. However, some people don’t seem to agree. Some members of the audience were really having a go. A woman with overly large jowls said that Mark Oaten should quit as an MP. Then a man- aged about sixty- announced that he thought it was a disgrace that a homosexual would try and lead the country, and that he thought politicians should have some morals, as we live in a Christian country.
Well, I have a bone to pick on almost every single one of those points, thank you very much. Firstly, this may be a Christian country, but how many people are actually practicing Christians? Sure, I’ve been christened, but how often do I go to church? I go on Christmas day. I would go to wedding’s and stuff, but no one I know has got married for a couple of years, and even then I can’t remember if that was in a church. There are probably more practicing Muslim’s than there are Christian’s in this country. I’ll leave aside the issue of someone telling me that I live in a religious state, when I fully believed I was living in a secular society. I don’t understand why having a gay leader is a big problem. Well, actually, being technical, Simon Hughes isn’t gay- he’s bisexual. But obviously that’s an equally heinous crime in the eyes of these bigots. Why on earth does it matter if a politician is gay? Does having gay sex make you incapable of thinking about foreign policy? Does fancying someone of the same sex as you make you lose all knowledge of economic growth? No. So why on earth is it a problem? And finally, since when did people look to politicians for a ‘moral standard’? I certainly do not model myself on cheating, conniving, manipulative megalomaniacs. If I did, I’m sure I would have succumbed to a fatal wanking accident long before now.
I’m just so incensed about the blatant homophobia that I didn’t realise was so rife in this country. Tonight I’m going to take some steps to sorting that out, by forming a big gay mafia. If you- or anyone else- would like to join, send your application forms to me and I’ll sort you out with a gay card.
Equally worrying, the other day, was the news that Google have decided to move into China. This, of course, means operating a streamed system. Not only does that go against everything that Google was meant to stand for, but it is a real blow for the internet as a whole. Google- like those other favourites, Yahoo! and Hotmail- will help the Chinese government to monitor its’ people by monitoring sensitive words. Words not allowed include ‘democracy’ and ‘freedom’. Even more worrying was Google’s failure to deny that it would like to move into North Korea and Burma. I suppose the moral of the story for anti-capitalist internet whiz kids everywhere is “the grass is always greener on the other side”. Bah humbug.
The other big political story is Hamas’ election in Palestine. In some ways I’m pleased. I have a hell of a lot of sympathy for Hamas, and can fully understand why they would use suicide bombers as a means of defence (and let’s face it, the Palestinians are not attacking, the Israelis are. The Palestinians are attempting to defend their homeland). However, there has been (at least muted) condemnation of Hamas from the international community following the elections. Tony Blair made a statement so bland I can’t recall a single word of it. George Dubya cocked up his speech (you’d think autocue would be easy!). Netanyahu announced that Israel would not deal with terrorist organisations. Clearly he is slightly misguided. Hamas is not a terrorist organisation. Hamas is a political party with an armed wing. The middle east is now in a real mess. No doubt the wall will continue to be built, and yet more Palestinians will be cut off from their schools, family, workplaces, clean water… The USA will use this as an excuse to go lumbering in with that oh-so-deft touch they’re renowned for. The UK will do nothing, conveniently forgetting that it’s pretty much Britain’s fault that this whole mess was created in the first place. In a way, I’m glad I’m not in charge of trying to sort out the region. However, I worry, with the choice of people entrusted with the task.
Enough of me whining about the news of the day.
Here are some conversations I’ve had or heard lately…
Girl: I got Repetitive Strain Injury from picking up the phone too much.
Me: Yeah, I’ve had RSI too, from playing the violin.
Girl: You got RSI from wanking??!
Boy: I find the concept of having sex outdoors stupid. Why not just use your house?
Me: I dunno, I guess it’s okay if you’re a child.
Boy: I think you had a misspent youth.
Me: I meant teenager…
Guy at work: Why are so many Indian women flying to India to abort baby foetus’s? Can’t they do it in the UK?
Me: Female infanticide is not actually legal in this country, that’s probably the reason.
Me: I’ll have a tea.
Pretensious man at scummy student café: Can I have a large, fairtrade, skinny latte please?
Me (turning away in an attempt to be subtle): What a wanker!
Man: What?
Me: Sorry. I have tourettes.
Journalist: Okay, the place we need to go to is near Hyde Road, then it’s one block east from there.
Editor: I can’t find One Block East in the A-Z.
On that note, I bid you all farewell. I am off to form my big gay mafia and then tomorrow we’re going dogging.
By the way, I may or may not be quitting my job. Suggestions on a post card please!
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