More of the same, but with hospitals and foxes

This may be drivel but I actually don't give a toss. If I am drivel and you are reading this then I will take satisfaction in the knowledge that I have helped to atrophy your brain. So yeah. #1 went to some mass evacuation exercise thing in Dartford Tunnel so I decided to wait up for her because it's danger danger and who knows how she will get home, and what with the bank robber and so on. So I drank a bottle of vodka and went on friends reunited at like 3 am. At first I was all "boo, these people are muppets and they went to uni" and then I thought "FUCK THIS SHIT!" cos I went to the LSE, innit, and yeah, blah. I am talking about my secondary school, the complete shit hole full of anti-semites. Admittedly I had some good times. Like chair throwing competitions, and using the measuring thing in physics class (the thing that measures stuff that it 0.001 mm or whatever) as a toy-stoke-weapon-stroke-instrument of social humiliation. But yeah, in all, it was fucking shit. I may have been miserable as sin at many times since then, but I honestly do not believe that I have felt such an intractable misery as when I went to that school. Anyway, the other thing that made me laugh was that they're all getting married! Like literally all of them. Geez, I wouldn't marry them to each other. But they have found suitably gullible/thick people who might actually want to (and this is vomit inducing) PROCREATE with them.

Having said all of that, it was nice to see that some people, the people I actually liked, are happy. Like this guy in my music class, who used to get really angry with me because I was "talented" but I preferred getting into trouble with these other two boys. He used to play the trombone. Cue endless trombone jokes. Hell, these things are funny when you're 15.

Today I spent lots of time in the hospital, which was a laugh, as hospitals tend to be. I was thinking about my other hospital experiences: the first time I remember going was when my youngest brother was born and my dad had got me and my other brother ready so we could go and visit, and I was wearing these earrings cos I wanted to look nice for my mum and new baby brother. But I lost one in the hospital and I was so upset. I remember feeling like I'd let them down, and it still makes me a bit sad to see the remaining earring, which is quite bizarre as it's 17 years ago. Today we had to wait so long at the hospital and it was painful to see N so unhappy, with nothing I can do. I was glad I went as it would have been worse by himself, which I know for a fact as I've done it myself before, but it's truly horrific to see someone so unhappy and knowing that whatever you say and whatever you do, you won't change anything. I don't know. I want his exams to be finished because I can't bear to see him so sad and so stressed. It kills me inside.

When I got home #1 laughed at me because apparently I look like I'm "off to a festival", which is something to do with my hat, apparently. It's complete bollocks because festivals are a bit rubbish. I know this because we went to for my ex's 21st and he fell asleep in some piss (not his). Hahahaha. I actually can't be bothered to explain that, but yeah, piss... piss... that's wrong, dude. But funny.

Earlier I saw some funny things from my bedroom window. First of all, some people were nearly having sex or whatever. I guess they thought no one could see them because it was sort of dark, but really, anyone who looked could have seen, especially the whole row of terraces right in front of them. Then I saw a fox. At first I didn't know whether it was a fox or a dog or a cat, but it came right onto the garage forecourt and it was obviously a fox. It found a plastic bag with some takeaway chicken inside and picked the whole bag up and scampered into my garden. I was quite chuffed because it means there is a fox family in my garden, or in the deserted house... anyway, I think it can almost legitimately be called MY fox.

In the end, everything worked out okay, which I guess it always does but I will never know that other than retrospectively. #1 got home fine from Dartford and we sat on the balcony for a while and marvelled at how light it was, or is. N is taking antibiotics and is going to be fine. I'm okay, but I'm worried that if I think too long or too hard, everything will be destroyed. #1 said the funniest thing to me yesterday. She said that she thought I was great now, but that in five years time, I would be amazing. In one, it's the the biggest compliment and the most damning indictment.

I think I need to sleep.