"I suggest you go home and hibernate on it"

You will all be pleased to learn that after yesterday's slight "episode", I am feeling okay. Just okay. Which is fine. I can do "okay". The day started off shit when I woke up late and felt so lonely to the point where I couldn't even contemplate washing my face, which is quite grim really. At work I felt weird because our department is steadily shrinking and it has got to the point where everyone can get good jobs and I can't thanks to my general shitness, hence me still being there. I'd put on loads of clothes so I wasn't cold, but fuck me the office was freezing and I had to sit on each hand alternately to keep them warm. My line manager was rude to me. R was a bit off with me. I wanted to cry and go home.

But the day got a bit better. I decided my manager could go fuck herself and that I didn't need her to treat me like shit. I made up with R via a conversation about Super Aguri and why everyone thinks we're Jewish (it wasn't as funny as the last conversation I had about my Jewishness though). I found my emergency blanket in the depths of my desk (I often get cold). Some recruitment agency called to tell me that they really really wanted to meet me, and I said fine, how does Friday lunchtime sound?

I still didn't wash my face though.

After speaking to N, I went to ballet. The balls of my feet are a bit sore after standing on my toes on Monday when we went to see Boredoms (damn tall people getting in my way). But it was such a good class. Really really good. Sometimes when I am unhappy I refuse to look at anyone and I can't dance and I start crying in class, and Oik (my ballet friend) has to look after me. It's so lame. But I had decided I wanted to have a good class, and so it was. I did some really good steps and I made everyone laugh with my jokes and my fooling around but I was still a good student. The teacher told me that my pirouettes were very good, and I just felt on top of it, even doing steps I normally hate, like brisees. Though I did look a chump when trying to explain why I couldn't do this one step and muddled up left and right before admitting that steps that go behind you really freak me out (I don't know if that makes sense, I guess it only makes sense if you can see it...). Anyway, the only slight downer on the class was that I jumped and landed on the knuckle of my big toe, bending the whole toe over with all my weight on it and now my toe isn't moving properly and I'm a bit worried. I carried on dancing though, because I am well hard, and broken toe = nothing. I danced for a month with my ankle half hanging off (okay, that's an exaggeration). In any case, I think I may have made the right decision when it comes to ballet and taking more classes when I go to uni.

Yes, that's right. I am going to uni. I was talking to C and she just laughed at me in that French way she has and said more by saying nothing than anyone else could have said in a million words. I'm still going to read 'Principles of Corporate Finance' though.

Hmm, what else. The bathroom is flooded. Tonsilitis still rules the mansions. My mobile is still broken. I am still cold. I miss N so much that I wonder whether I actually have anything left inside me. What is left, I know, is missing S. I love having msn, especially when my phone is fucked. So yeah. I guess I'm sad but I'm okay. I thought of something insightful earlier but I'll save it for another day. I'll leave you with two (completely unrelated) questions:

1) Why do the checkout people in Sainsbury's look so mardy if you say you don't need a bag? I mean, I live 100 metres away and I have a bag I can put it in, if my arms were to fail me on that arduous journey. There's the environment to think of. Why the fuck do they make such a fuss, slamming the bags back down like you just said you wanted to rape their grandmother?

2) The ignition button on our gas hob isn't working. Is it safe to use a lighter? I have been doing this for the last week and am so far intact, though wary of spontaneous human combustion (SHC- I used to read a lot about this as I have a fire fascination).

Any answers would be much appreciated even if they're shit.