Fuck you, Justin Timberlake, with your improbably catchy song.

Today was my first day doing normal "real world" things again. You know the sort, getting dressed and going outside. However now I feel like shit. My stomach is clearly not right - I suspect it might be IBS, which is always really pleasant. And now I have a headache that feels like my head might fall off. It's not the normal headache I get, in the middle of my head (the ridged bit that swells up really easily). Instead it's like my whole head is stuck in a very tight vice.

I'm pissed off because I don't have time to be ill again. I didn't have time last week and now I especially don't have time because I have these two essays to do and no time left to do them in. I kind of know what my argument is - in fact I think I'm quite sorted on that - it's just that I have to wade through a few books and about a hundred journal articles to get all the information I need. My mum and brother came to visit the other day and brought me some of my old folders, and looking through my Econ folder makes me sad. That was a 3rd year Econ course that I did in 2nd year, with no economics background, and I did really well. Why didn't I continue with that? Maybe I like growth patterns? Maybe I like drawing little graphs that find Harberger's triangle? So why, please tell me WHY am I doing goddamm international relations (which I have never found all that exciting)? And for the love of god, what made me think that doing language exams again would be a good idea? Did I learn nothing from the Bain Of My Existence, aka A Level German? I think we all know I should stick to what I am good at. Which appears to be Cold War Economics, but this is now BESIDE THE POINT.

Don't get me wrong, I love anthropology. I just had a bit of hissy fit cos yet another book had the names written the old way, not in pinyin. I can't connect the two, maybe it's my dyspraxia or whatever, but I have to translate it into Chinese and then back to English to figure it out. You'd think Ch'-ing = Qing would be easy but no. When I rule the world I will get all the old books reprinted so I can read them.

It's not helping that I have burst into tears at least three times today. I am such a loser. I can't stop crying ALL THE TIME. I'm having to wear less eyeliner because of this. I mean, seriously.

All I've done is complain in this post, which is a shame cos I had some nice/important things to write. Instead I'm going to get in bed and cry until I fall asleep.