a pact to be a bit more... good

I've stopped being quite so miserable. I think I was just moping cos I was bored and feeling lonely. it's weird to go from being around people all the time - albeit at work - to not being with anyone. Plus I really like a lot of the people I worked with and it felt like suddenly I had lost all my friends, and I felt very out of my depth. But I guess this is normal. I have never been very good with nerves. I remember once before I was going on holiday I got so nervous that I ended up with stomach cramps (it was a crap holiday too, so I feel I was justified). But really, there is no need for me to be nervous. I still have friends, for fuck's sake (though, of course, if I continue acting like a bit of a chump then that may not last!!), and I have already met new people. Instead of moping, I need to be more proactive - like not being miserable at home, but instead getting off my arse and going out! Shock horror etc. It works.

Take yesterday as an example. I'd spoken to the boy a number of times and said I'd come and see him, but I really considered not going. But I went, and we had a lovely time (on a swivel chair). But then nicer, we talked and I realised I had missed him a bit (I told him it was only "a little tiny bit") and we did silly things like hold hands and play tricks on each other. We went to the pub and he told me about his whole visa situation and I tried in vain to think of a way round it. I am so glad that my passport lets me basically do what I want. The joys of the maroon little book. Anyway, he has to go back home to try and sort out a new one. It's ridiculous, as the whole system seems so unfair, and what makes perfect sense to me is the antithesis of the whole modus operandi of the passport/visa system. I don't know, I just rocked up at the embassy in Knightsbridge with my birth certificate and hey presto - it seems other people go to far greater lengths to stay in this country. And why? Is this country so great? It certainly makes you wonder about other countries.

This morning I woke up with quite a big burn on my hand and a bite mark on my arm. In fact, 2 sets of bite marks, so that they look like sharks teeth. It took me a good minute to remember that I went to LSE and met up with A and some other people and had a surprisingly nice night. The biting aside, obviously - though I would like to clarify that I bit myself. It was really good to catch up with people again, and it was good to kind of "officially" be friends with people. It's cool when you discover that you had loads in common with someone but you never really realised before. Yay! Oh yeah, there was a midget there and we all were a bit blatant in our staring at him. There was the token "alternative" as well, you know the sort, a wannabe punk who's clearly from Hampshire but he's got green and purple hair so let's all say raaahhh. I found a tenner on the floor and drank lots of gin and then, in quite a stylish move, managed to knock over a drink so that it tipped straight in my shoe, which I had momentarily removed my foot from. Going home sounded like this: thump squelsh thump squelsh. On the way home I got talking to this rasta about how important it is to study non-European countries and how you can't possibly have an understanding of the world system and geopolitics without an understanding of world history. Then I got home, listened to Belle and Sebastian on repeat and cooked rice with chili.

I found my mp3 player. It was stuck in the ring binder of the folder I have all my dissertation notes in. Why? God only knows - I haven't got a freaking clue.