Office Christmas party

Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

Office Christmas party. That’s never a good thing. It all kicked off quite early, as it was four people’s leaving do’s. I’d decided to be brave and wear a dress, so I was looking pretty foxy, it must be said. The dress is purple satin-like material, strapless, with a net skirt underneath. I had a little sparkly cardigan on top. To complete the look I had my pink boots on. I thought that would make it easier to walk, rather than heels, and it played down the dress as well- I didn’t want to look too dressy.

Anyway, I got right in there with the wine, and had a couple of canapés. I sat down, and my friend immediately tried to convince me to throw an X-Factor Final party.

Because you can’t smoke in the boardroom, I spent a fair bit of time walking to and from the smoking room, where there seemed to be a separate party going on. I kept my eyes open for the guy on my corridor who I quite fancy. When he showed up, I spent quite a lot of time talking to him, until I got dragged off to dance.

It was quite strange with the guy from my corridor. At one point I went to the smoking room and was told that he’d been in there looking for me, so I ran off to catch up with him. We went to his office, to admire the plants, and then went to my office, where we sat on the desk and drank and chatted. It all seemed to be going really well. But then, when he was leaving (he had another party to go to), something strange happened. At that point where you think you’re going to kiss, and you get the butterflies and everything… nothing. I got a hug. I was left feeling decidedly odd.

Of course, the solution to this, in my eyes, was to have another drink. I went back to the smoking room and sat on the floor. I started feeling really dodgy, and went to the loo. Thankfully I got there just in time, where I regurgitated all the wine and canapés. My friend got me some water, but I wouldn’t let anyone come in. I like to think I have some dignity. Soon I felt alright, and I had my toothbrush and toothpaste with me, so I brushed my teeth. This is not the first time I have been sick at a party, hence the provisions.

Back in there, I found some eyeliner on the floor and decided to draw some on an unsuspecting colleague. I chased him into the kitchen, but he ran away before I could do more than draw a big black line across his cheek. Another guy, a Scottish man who also works with me, had tried to help me. Before I knew what was happening, we were kissing pretty passionately. After a while he broke off, saying, “Ah cannae do this. You’re a beautiful wee lassie, ah think you’re really attractive. But ah’m sorta seeing someone”.

What he meant by this, which I didn’t know until much later, was that he had a girlfriend of three years that he lived with. We agreed to be amicable about it all though.

Pretty soon the party was over and we headed of to Belushi’s. I’ve actually missed out something there. I kissed the biggest sleaze in the office. Nice move.

Anyway, Belushi’s, for those not in the know, is possibly the biggest dive in London. It’s a bar on Borough High Street, full of pissed arseholes, where we invariably end up as it’s open late and close to the office. What a shithole. We didn’t stay there long, but had a little dance.

When we left, some others were getting a cab back to south London. Me being a clever girl DIDN’T go with them. Instead I decided that I wanted to stay at T's. The only problem with this was that T and K had already left. I knew it would be fine, and rang to check. I started walking up to London Bridge with the Scot and the sleaze.

At London Bridge, there were no taxis. The Scot and I arranged to go for a hot chocolate together next week. Soon enough- and I know this is bad- we were snogging like randy teenagers at the bus stop. It’s bad, yes, but I’m not the one in a relationship, and anyway, we couldn’t really help ourselves. We get on really well, though we don’t know each other that well. But obviously we also fancied a bit of each other last night, hence all the furious kissing.

I eventually hailed a taxi by standing in the middle of the road near Monument station, smoking a fag and swearing loudly. A guy ran over to ask if I wanted to share a cab, as we were going the same way. Obviously he was impressed by my style. He was nice, and we had quite a laugh. He asked if I wanted to stay at his, but I said no, as I am a lady (hahaha). He gave me his card anyway and we’re going to go out for a drink.

Finally at T’s. He let me in, wearing only his pants. As I took my lenses out (good girl) I told them what I’d been up to, and T told me that he’d nearly had sex in the office with a girl from his department. He lent me a pyjama top- K had the bottoms on already- and I climbed into bed. There wasn’t a huge amount of space as there were the three of us in one bed, and I didn’t get much blanket. Nevertheless, I fell in to one of those sleeps that you only have when you’re pissed.

Merry Christmas.