This weekend I have spent a lot of time by the river (when I say weekend, I mean thursday - tuesday). I never realised how river-centric London is. But yes, it is, and yes, I spent a lot of time in close proximity to the old Thames.
Last wednesday was my brother's graduation. It was really nice to see where he's been at uni for the last three years (I am a bad sister and haven't ever visited). I felt really proud of him, he's worked hard and deserves his degree - and the place on his Masters course. He's going to have his own office, how cool is that. I don't even have my own office at my work (though I do have a jemima puddleduck toy and a cactus, so you know, I'm kind of a winner too). The whole family - well, immediate family - was there and we wandered about the campus, went to the CS department drinks, then went out for dinner. It was a really nice day.
On thursday morning C arrived! I hadn't seen him since 1998. He hadn't changed, except he was more grown up (of course!) and it was nicer as we didn't fight like we used to when we were 10 (again, of course). I have known C for all my life, as our families have known each other for 3 generations. He's Parisian and a year older than me, and we used to see each other twice a year - when he would come to stay at ours, and when I would go to France. My parents went to stay with them last summer and we realised how stupid it was that C and I haven't kept in touch. So he came to stay, and it was really cool! I picked him up from Waterloo and we went back to mine and talked the hind legs of several donkeys. In the evening J arrived and we immediately went off to meet #1 at the pub... My god I was so nervous. I am such a nervous wreck sometimes. I think I usually hide it quite well, but I am a lot happier when I don't need to organise stuff (social stuff, not work type stuff - I have no problem with that) and I can just go along with whatever is happening. That sounds really lame, but I just fret too much otherwise. Especially when it's something as potentially scary as J and #1 meeting for the first time!
Anyway, thursday was nice, just went to the Commercial, had dinner and then went back to the Comm. On friday we got up quite late to witness what seemed like a monsoon. I didn't think it would ever stop, but it did, so we went off into town to go to the Tate Modern and to Borough Market. On saturday we went to Soho, Chinatown etc, and then went to see the Transformers movie! It was good, but incredibly cheesy. I didn't really remember all that much about Transformers from when I was a kid, but it's not that hard to get to grips with. Afterwards we drank wine at the Ritzy Bar and J made origami birds out of tiny bits of paper. J is just too lovely. He's made me an origami panda. Sunday was spent first of all having a proper full english breakfast, and then at the Antony Gormley exhibition, then yet more wandering by the river. Antony Gormley was really good actually - I'd heard so many good things about it, and obviously seen the (quite scary) figures all over Waterloo. D had tried to explain the main exhibit (Blind Light) to me, but words can't really do it justice, as it's a bit like being in another world, like how it would be in the afterlife if your life was quite a cliched film. That doesn't do it justice either. Just go and see it. On monday J had to go home, because he hadn't taken a week off work like I had! C and I went to the Design Museum, and then met M for lunch. She's just been to Paris and ate snails, which completely defeated C's argument that french people didn't eat snails and frogs legs all the time. Today we took a boat to Greenwich, and the coolest thing happened - we had stopped at Tower Bridge, and a really old boat pulled out into the middle of the water. Our boat then followed, and as we were in the middle of the river, Tower Bridge opened, and the old boat sailed through - it was amazing! In all the time I've been in London, I've never seen it open, and then to see it from the middle of the river was just so cool. We spent the afternoon in Greenwich, the Docklands and Covent Garden, before C got the eurostar back to Paris, I came home and now I feel quite lonely.
This is a really crap entry. I rubbed onion in my eyes. I got bleach all over my feet accidentally so the skin will probably all fall off again. I miss J. I wish I didn't have to write my dissertation, especially as I have huge library fines AGAIN. Must remember to return books. Tomorrow I have to go back to work and JOY OF JOYS I have training all day, what a welcome.
I'm really really happy actually, despite all of that. J is just so great, he makes me very very happy. Even when I'm sad, if that makes sense.
I really need to go and wash my eyes. I don't want conjunctivitis AGAIN.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Good news!
I have good news, but I'm keeping quiet for now.
Oh come on, you'd hate it if I was anything other than my normal evasive self.
Oh come on, you'd hate it if I was anything other than my normal evasive self.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Suffolk
What an amazing weekend. Really, it was the greatest weekend. I left work at 6 and went to Cambridge where the lovely J met me at the station and we drove to Suffolk. Even the drive was fun as I was J let me indicate. We were staying in a house right by the coast, about five minutes drive up a track and through a forest from the nearest village. The house itself is about 600 years old and doesn't have electricity. There is a solar panel on the roof to run some things, and there was a generator until it broke. This meant using candles or torches to see, which was pretty cool. We bagged one of the double rooms, directly above the kitchen (a bad move, as it turned out) and went to have a beer. It was probably about this point that the first mosquito bit me, but who can say for sure. Over the weekend I was bitten approximately a million times. I'm not exaggerating. Here is a photo of my legs. Imagine that all over my body. It is itchy like fuck.
On Saturday we went to the beach, which was only a five minute walk across the marshes. It’s a shingle beach but still very nice. The water was freezing, so I only went in up to my knees but J was more brave/hardy/insane and went for a proper swim, barring when he dived into a mudflat. Other things included playing cricket (not me), playing golf (not me), playing Frisbee (not me), being really shit at Frisbee (me) and reading books that everyone took the piss out of (me). In the evening we had a fire. J built it and F hit it with a big stick and watched the sparks. A lot. It was all really fun, the countryside is awesome. J and I looked at stars and a bat flew overhead. When it gets dark it’s really dark, darker than it ever is in Pidley. It would have all been nothing without J though. I feel very happy inside (my outsides are too bitten to be happy) and I really feel so lucky to have him, he’s just so lovely. Even if he admitted that he likes to eat giblets.
This morning I came back to
Actually that reminds me – I have to have an operation on my hip. I am having keyhole surgery. How exciting. #1 is going to look after me, but I am going to try and be a good patient, but I have limited patience so it may go awry. When they told me about the operation (on Thursday) my initial thought was something along the lines of panic panic crap crap but I have since decided that it’s okay. I’ve never had an operation but if my little brother could have his face put back together when he was 4, then I can have this operation.
I miss J already. This evening I have spent a considerable amount of time listening to music that reminds me of him. #1 came in and told me that I am emo. So we sang some Johnny Cash together and it was all good, until I started boring her with more stories again, haha.
I think my computer is broken. If either of my brothers reads this, can they come and fix it please? I think it is the fan. And the screen is fucked, it’s flashing more than the 2012 logo.
Going to
Friday, July 13, 2007
Some observations
1. Carrying a rucksack is strangely satisfying, though it's better if it's empty. Must remember that just because the rucksack carries 25 litres worth of books, I shouldn't necessarily try and carry that many. Is quite heavy.
2. I'm really not squeamish. I had no problems with taping up this guy at work's arm, even though it was quite bloodied and skank.
3. I am perhaps more squeamish than I think, as I nearly threw up at the hospital today when they said I had to have surgery. But only momentarily. Also, I felt a bit guilty because everyone else in the orthopaedic surgery was old and quite crippled, and all the doctors were looking at me like "You fraud, get out! You're traipsing around with cowboy boots on when these poor bastards can hardly walk!"
4. The plastic gloves they give you when you dye your hair are a complete waste of space and it is far easier not to use them.
5. I am overly excited about this weekend. Really, really, overly excited. But in a good way. Hence being awake at 1am ON A SCHOOL NIGHT. Ha, I don't care, I am happy like you don't even believe.
2. I'm really not squeamish. I had no problems with taping up this guy at work's arm, even though it was quite bloodied and skank.
3. I am perhaps more squeamish than I think, as I nearly threw up at the hospital today when they said I had to have surgery. But only momentarily. Also, I felt a bit guilty because everyone else in the orthopaedic surgery was old and quite crippled, and all the doctors were looking at me like "You fraud, get out! You're traipsing around with cowboy boots on when these poor bastards can hardly walk!"
4. The plastic gloves they give you when you dye your hair are a complete waste of space and it is far easier not to use them.
5. I am overly excited about this weekend. Really, really, overly excited. But in a good way. Hence being awake at 1am ON A SCHOOL NIGHT. Ha, I don't care, I am happy like you don't even believe.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
About me: I am spending too much time on F1 forums and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
Okay, it's never a good idea to write about work, but today has been a really weird day. I was in a foul mood at work yesterday (something that did not go unnoticed by MB, who thought I looked homicidal) because I'm just not happy there, and also I was bored as everyone was away, and also I was missing J (already- I'm so sad!!). Anyway, I need to think about my career and decide what I'm doing, and I will do that after my dissertation is done. In the meantime, I am just going to make the most of a bad situation and enjoy spending time with some nice people, which there are in the office, thankfully - I am very lucky in that way and should stop complaining.
BUT (and you knew there would be a but) - it turns out that I am evil incarnate and a complete cunt. Or at least that I have caused a rift in the team. I really didn't mean to, I really didn't think I was doing anything that wrong. But now I feel I should have stayed quiet and not voiced my opinions at all. From now on I will be known as Subdued Stinkbat and I won't create any trouble, apart from when I next hurt my toe by getting it stuck under the filing cabinet.
I was going to write something else but it's far too protracted and boring, and perhaps too much of a misery fest even for me (I'm such an emo). Especially as I'm not really unhappy generally, I'd say I'm quite content, just a bit pre-occupied about the dissertation. And by J, of course, but in a completely different (and much nicer) way.
Today I spent a while talking to my brother about gym techniques and I have realised how unfit I am. I should really go back to the gym and stop eating ice cream - at least I didn't take a tub of Ben and Jerry's to the pub with me!!!!!
BUT (and you knew there would be a but) - it turns out that I am evil incarnate and a complete cunt. Or at least that I have caused a rift in the team. I really didn't mean to, I really didn't think I was doing anything that wrong. But now I feel I should have stayed quiet and not voiced my opinions at all. From now on I will be known as Subdued Stinkbat and I won't create any trouble, apart from when I next hurt my toe by getting it stuck under the filing cabinet.
I was going to write something else but it's far too protracted and boring, and perhaps too much of a misery fest even for me (I'm such an emo). Especially as I'm not really unhappy generally, I'd say I'm quite content, just a bit pre-occupied about the dissertation. And by J, of course, but in a completely different (and much nicer) way.
Today I spent a while talking to my brother about gym techniques and I have realised how unfit I am. I should really go back to the gym and stop eating ice cream - at least I didn't take a tub of Ben and Jerry's to the pub with me!!!!!
Monday, July 09, 2007
Booo everyone is crap and bailed on me so I'm not going to see The Mules after all. JY is in Krygyzstan, which is at least a valid excuse, but everyone else is rubbish. Still, they're playing again next week, so I will properly guilt trip everyone into coming this time.
I am drinking beer from the keg. It's a small consolation prize. Booooo.
I am drinking beer from the keg. It's a small consolation prize. Booooo.
I've got hair like a carpet, apparently
Tempting as it is to write that this weekend was shit, if only to spite J, my weekend was actuallly pretty awesome. No, not pretty awesome. Completely amazing. Me and J are now officially going out. It's on facebook and everything so it must be true!! I am so smitten. On Friday I was really anxious and nearly "did a Kevin" (ie throw up with nerves), and the train ride seemed like the loooooooooooooooooooooongest ever, almost as if we were going via the Shetlands or something, but it was all good. I came back to London this morning and already I miss him.
Work today, however, was a pile of horseshit. On Friday the sales manager gave me a new project to do, and made it sound like it was a reward for being so great at my job. I don't think I have ever been so bored in my life. The office was really quiet, which didn't help. My team was super quiet. I do miss the good old days, with K and mofo. Big drama happened last week, with the quietest member of our team going all out and saying the company was crap and getting angry about being called a liar (too fucking right). There was no drama today at all, except for an employment law training thing we all had to go on. It seems that anything you do or say can be construed as harrassment. Especially most of the stuff that gets said at lunchtime. Or anything RC says any of the time. Particularly that comment about my parents the other day. Still, only another 3 days at work this week, as I've got wednesday off.
I'm meant to be going out to see The Mules tonight but I have now got home and put on my really comfy jeans and eaten a bowl of spinach, rosemary and rice (don't ask, I can't be bothered to go shopping). And there is a KEG of beer in the fridge, oh yes. I am tempted to stay in and drink beer and do sensible things like my laundry and google imaging pictures of pandas. Maybe I will put some socks on and I will feel more in the mood?
Quote of the day comes from MB, who said that she liked the ginger/apricot bit in my hair because: "It looks good next to the rest of my hair, it looks quite natural.... if you had naturally white hair and black roots..."
Quote of the day does NOT come from me, as I said possibly the most inappropriate thing possible on the train home after work. I also said "cunt" repeatedly because I'm a real charmer like that.
I'm going to Suffolk at the weekend. I am so stealing #1's wellies.
Miaow.
Work today, however, was a pile of horseshit. On Friday the sales manager gave me a new project to do, and made it sound like it was a reward for being so great at my job. I don't think I have ever been so bored in my life. The office was really quiet, which didn't help. My team was super quiet. I do miss the good old days, with K and mofo. Big drama happened last week, with the quietest member of our team going all out and saying the company was crap and getting angry about being called a liar (too fucking right). There was no drama today at all, except for an employment law training thing we all had to go on. It seems that anything you do or say can be construed as harrassment. Especially most of the stuff that gets said at lunchtime. Or anything RC says any of the time. Particularly that comment about my parents the other day. Still, only another 3 days at work this week, as I've got wednesday off.
I'm meant to be going out to see The Mules tonight but I have now got home and put on my really comfy jeans and eaten a bowl of spinach, rosemary and rice (don't ask, I can't be bothered to go shopping). And there is a KEG of beer in the fridge, oh yes. I am tempted to stay in and drink beer and do sensible things like my laundry and google imaging pictures of pandas. Maybe I will put some socks on and I will feel more in the mood?
Quote of the day comes from MB, who said that she liked the ginger/apricot bit in my hair because: "It looks good next to the rest of my hair, it looks quite natural.... if you had naturally white hair and black roots..."
Quote of the day does NOT come from me, as I said possibly the most inappropriate thing possible on the train home after work. I also said "cunt" repeatedly because I'm a real charmer like that.
I'm going to Suffolk at the weekend. I am so stealing #1's wellies.
Miaow.
Monday, July 02, 2007
mansions drama
Anyone who's been reading this for a while will know about the situation in my flat. I love my flat, it's beautiful and on the whole, I've enjoyed every minute I've lived here, which is nearly two years now. I live with three other girls - #1, #2 and #5. When I first moved in there was #3, but she moved out to go and live with her boyfriend. Then there was #4, but he was a rapist, so he had to go (and I'm not exaggerating). Then #5 moved in, and it's taken time and effort, as we're very dissimilar, but we now get along great. #1 is my best friend, not only in the flat but also in the world. So you could say that I am very lucky to live with two people, #1 and #5, who are just lovely.
But that leaves #2. There was the whole saga last year when she got a boyfriend and started speaking to us all, and then split up with him, and stopped speaking to us. She hasn't spoken to any of us in MONTHS. She didn't even say happy birthday to #1 the other day. She's a very, very selfish person. It used to bother me that she acted as if she didn't like me, but after talking to lots of people, I realised that she didn't like me, but simply because I represent a) many things about herself that she doesn't like, b) many things she is jealous of, and c) just someone she doesn't have anything in common with anyway. I am fine with this - not everyone will like everyone else, and if it was all civil, it would be great.
However. It's not been civil lately. When she went on holiday for a week I was actually very happy, as any conversation we have is forced to the point of absurdity. Tonight we all got together and talked about this and she LIED. Her body posture made it so obvious that she wants nothing to do with us, and yet she said she was happy living with us and liked us all. I caught her out on one lie she'd told (about moving out), yet she still flat out denies lying. I know I probably didn't do it in the best way, and yes, I swore, which I shouldn't have, but I don't understand why this situation has to continue. I'm a reasonably easy going person (ie I keep my freakouts to myself, so I seem easy going!), I'm quite fun... I'm not saying we have to be best friends, but it would be nice to live with someone who doesn't view me with disdain.
This probably seems very trivial to anyone else, but it's my house, and these people are like my family in London. Me, #1 and #5 share everything (to a point that is a little extreme perhaps!!), and they are the people I would turn to first for anything. Is this wrong? That's what you'd do with a family, and that's what they are to me.
I feel a bit better now. I was quite angry and shaken earlier.
I wish it was Friday already. I am looking forward to this weekend SO MUCH you don't believe. Two weeks has seemed so long.
But that leaves #2. There was the whole saga last year when she got a boyfriend and started speaking to us all, and then split up with him, and stopped speaking to us. She hasn't spoken to any of us in MONTHS. She didn't even say happy birthday to #1 the other day. She's a very, very selfish person. It used to bother me that she acted as if she didn't like me, but after talking to lots of people, I realised that she didn't like me, but simply because I represent a) many things about herself that she doesn't like, b) many things she is jealous of, and c) just someone she doesn't have anything in common with anyway. I am fine with this - not everyone will like everyone else, and if it was all civil, it would be great.
However. It's not been civil lately. When she went on holiday for a week I was actually very happy, as any conversation we have is forced to the point of absurdity. Tonight we all got together and talked about this and she LIED. Her body posture made it so obvious that she wants nothing to do with us, and yet she said she was happy living with us and liked us all. I caught her out on one lie she'd told (about moving out), yet she still flat out denies lying. I know I probably didn't do it in the best way, and yes, I swore, which I shouldn't have, but I don't understand why this situation has to continue. I'm a reasonably easy going person (ie I keep my freakouts to myself, so I seem easy going!), I'm quite fun... I'm not saying we have to be best friends, but it would be nice to live with someone who doesn't view me with disdain.
This probably seems very trivial to anyone else, but it's my house, and these people are like my family in London. Me, #1 and #5 share everything (to a point that is a little extreme perhaps!!), and they are the people I would turn to first for anything. Is this wrong? That's what you'd do with a family, and that's what they are to me.
I feel a bit better now. I was quite angry and shaken earlier.
I wish it was Friday already. I am looking forward to this weekend SO MUCH you don't believe. Two weeks has seemed so long.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
hot chip on repeat
Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS to everyone who has just got their degrees! I'm way proud of you all, but particularly my little brother, who is not only the recipient of a 2:1 but has a place to do his Masters in September. It's nothing he doesn't completely deserve.
Secondly, I am slightly less manic than when I last updated this. I was quite drunk and I paid the price the following day, when I felt pretty fucking ropey to say the least. I think I articultated it as "badger face" but what I meant was that it hurt to move my head.
Thirdly, I must stop being so cryptic. The crisis I was eluding to was that S ran away, and no one knew where she was. Her friend, who I've never met, called me up and asked if I knew anything. Well of course I knew nothing, which is not entirely surprising as she doesn't tell me anything. Her facebook profile tells me she ran away to the seaside. I don't know what to think about it all - of course I am worried about her (despite having come back and being "fine"), but as there is very little I can do, I am not sure how productive worrying is going to be.
My mum came to visit yesterday and was going to show me pictures of my dead uncle in his open casket but just then our food arrived. Later on, I stayed up drinking tea with her and her friend, and we talked about teenage sex.
I wish it was next weekend already. I'm going back to Cambridge. This week has really dragged, and hasn't been helped much by getting really upset on Thursday night and deciding that my life was a mess (along the lines of, what the hell am I going to do about a career???). I want it to be next Friday now so I can see him.
On the plus side I don't have a hangover today, although I did have to sleep on the sofa as my mum slept in my bed. I am nice girl. And I am still not tired of listening to the same four songs on repeat. Get in.
Secondly, I am slightly less manic than when I last updated this. I was quite drunk and I paid the price the following day, when I felt pretty fucking ropey to say the least. I think I articultated it as "badger face" but what I meant was that it hurt to move my head.
Thirdly, I must stop being so cryptic. The crisis I was eluding to was that S ran away, and no one knew where she was. Her friend, who I've never met, called me up and asked if I knew anything. Well of course I knew nothing, which is not entirely surprising as she doesn't tell me anything. Her facebook profile tells me she ran away to the seaside. I don't know what to think about it all - of course I am worried about her (despite having come back and being "fine"), but as there is very little I can do, I am not sure how productive worrying is going to be.
My mum came to visit yesterday and was going to show me pictures of my dead uncle in his open casket but just then our food arrived. Later on, I stayed up drinking tea with her and her friend, and we talked about teenage sex.
I wish it was next weekend already. I'm going back to Cambridge. This week has really dragged, and hasn't been helped much by getting really upset on Thursday night and deciding that my life was a mess (along the lines of, what the hell am I going to do about a career???). I want it to be next Friday now so I can see him.
On the plus side I don't have a hangover today, although I did have to sleep on the sofa as my mum slept in my bed. I am nice girl. And I am still not tired of listening to the same four songs on repeat. Get in.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
birhday pictionary in the pub, army major styleeee
Okay firstly, I realised my profile picture looks a fucking state. I guess that was during my hat wearing phase when I didn't know what I was doing with my hair, like the vain idiot I am.
Secondly I'm quite drunk so I'm not typing so well. But that's FINE. I can't make my mind up whether I like double spaces or just single spaces after fullstops so what the fuck.
Thirdly, I don't know, it's been quite a stressful day today. At several points I decided to quit uni. I veered between being pretty happy and then feeling really destroyed, maybe because of the dissertation, and maybe because the crisis (that I eluded to yesterday) was on my mind (but is now averted) and the fact that, christ, you know me, I'm a worrier. I think my dissertation cuts a little too close to the fucking bone.
Anyway I've drunk a lot of beer and champagne and wine and my god I'm going to feel fucking excellent in the morning, especially as I have to get up early and iron #1's clothes.
I need to stop swearing so much. But you know what, fuck that.
Secondly I'm quite drunk so I'm not typing so well. But that's FINE. I can't make my mind up whether I like double spaces or just single spaces after fullstops so what the fuck.
Thirdly, I don't know, it's been quite a stressful day today. At several points I decided to quit uni. I veered between being pretty happy and then feeling really destroyed, maybe because of the dissertation, and maybe because the crisis (that I eluded to yesterday) was on my mind (but is now averted) and the fact that, christ, you know me, I'm a worrier. I think my dissertation cuts a little too close to the fucking bone.
Anyway I've drunk a lot of beer and champagne and wine and my god I'm going to feel fucking excellent in the morning, especially as I have to get up early and iron #1's clothes.
I need to stop swearing so much. But you know what, fuck that.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Just another tuesday night in the Hill
What a weird fucking night. Or a weird day even. This morning I woke up and tried to get the ex-glastonbury people out of their beds and onto trains and to work, but they were still pissed. It was quite a challenge. I had to brush #1's hair and get her bag ready. Then just as I was getting in the shower the phone rang, and it was my mum, who said that my uncle died on Sunday. He had been very ill (stomach cancer), and there was nothing else they could do. Last time I knew he had a few months to live, but I guess it was sooner :( I'm not sad for him, as he's not in pain anymore, but I am sad for my cousins, and for my mum. She already lost her elder sister, and now one of her little brothers. It must really make you reflect on your own mortality. I'm not going to the funeral as it's in Ireland and the plane tickets are astronomical, but my mum will be there.
This evening we unpacked all the glasto stuff and washed stuff. The tent is on the line as we speak, and the balcony is awash with a nasty muddy cowpat type water. We recreated a bit of the old festival spirit by dancing on the balcony and singing along to Hot Chip and generally being a bit lairy. But we had cups of tea, and then ate sundried tomatoes, so probably less glastonbury and more Big Chill (described once as people sitting in a field reading the Guardian).
After dinner something else happened that makes me worry but I'm not going to say anything more about it at the moment, as it may be nothing (I sincerely hope it is nothing) but may be quite serious. So I'm worrying.
Later on, #1 and I were smoking a cigarette out of my bedroom window, when we heard some weeping. It sounded like it was coming from out the back of our block, on the road, but we couldn't see as there is a temporary hoarding in the way. There was definitely a voice saying "help me, please someone, help me" - but people were walking along the road and didn't stop. We got #5, and she agreed that it was definitely a voice, wimpering and sounding very upset. So we did what anyone else (I hope) would have done, and got the torch (to hand, thanks to glastonbury!) and went down the fire exit onto the street. There was a girl, about 20 years old, sitting on the small wall (in front of the hoarding), crying her eyes out. We sat down next to her and asked if she was okay, and could we help... I'm none the wiser as to why she was so upset, other than that she had been somewhere and a man had come at her but was now gone, and she had been frightened and thrown all her stuff in the road, and that God would protect her. #5 and I went up the road to collect all of her belongings, and tried to find out where she was going (she wouldn't tell but said God would provide) and to see if we could call someone for her. In the end, she had calmed down a lot and thanked us, and we hopefully saw her on her way.
It does make me think that the world is a strange place if a young girl can be crying in the road and no one will stop to help.
In other news, I am very happy. #1 has told me not to be so happy and to keep my feet on the ground. Not because I am unlikeable (as I'm not - I'm very likeable, I think) but because we all know what it's like to be hurt. But that can't stop the smile I have had almost constantly (internally or externally) for the last two days.
Tomorrow is #1's birthday and #5 and I are cooking dinner. Hopefully it will be a lovely birthday for her as she really deserves it.
My god can you sense me feeling the love for everything at the moment? Haha, this can't last before we see a return to the manic depressed me we all love so well. I hope not.
This evening we unpacked all the glasto stuff and washed stuff. The tent is on the line as we speak, and the balcony is awash with a nasty muddy cowpat type water. We recreated a bit of the old festival spirit by dancing on the balcony and singing along to Hot Chip and generally being a bit lairy. But we had cups of tea, and then ate sundried tomatoes, so probably less glastonbury and more Big Chill (described once as people sitting in a field reading the Guardian).
After dinner something else happened that makes me worry but I'm not going to say anything more about it at the moment, as it may be nothing (I sincerely hope it is nothing) but may be quite serious. So I'm worrying.
Later on, #1 and I were smoking a cigarette out of my bedroom window, when we heard some weeping. It sounded like it was coming from out the back of our block, on the road, but we couldn't see as there is a temporary hoarding in the way. There was definitely a voice saying "help me, please someone, help me" - but people were walking along the road and didn't stop. We got #5, and she agreed that it was definitely a voice, wimpering and sounding very upset. So we did what anyone else (I hope) would have done, and got the torch (to hand, thanks to glastonbury!) and went down the fire exit onto the street. There was a girl, about 20 years old, sitting on the small wall (in front of the hoarding), crying her eyes out. We sat down next to her and asked if she was okay, and could we help... I'm none the wiser as to why she was so upset, other than that she had been somewhere and a man had come at her but was now gone, and she had been frightened and thrown all her stuff in the road, and that God would protect her. #5 and I went up the road to collect all of her belongings, and tried to find out where she was going (she wouldn't tell but said God would provide) and to see if we could call someone for her. In the end, she had calmed down a lot and thanked us, and we hopefully saw her on her way.
It does make me think that the world is a strange place if a young girl can be crying in the road and no one will stop to help.
In other news, I am very happy. #1 has told me not to be so happy and to keep my feet on the ground. Not because I am unlikeable (as I'm not - I'm very likeable, I think) but because we all know what it's like to be hurt. But that can't stop the smile I have had almost constantly (internally or externally) for the last two days.
Tomorrow is #1's birthday and #5 and I are cooking dinner. Hopefully it will be a lovely birthday for her as she really deserves it.
My god can you sense me feeling the love for everything at the moment? Haha, this can't last before we see a return to the manic depressed me we all love so well. I hope not.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
hi hi hi
I went to Cambridge this weekend and it was cool.
He's got the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.
I need to go to bed.
He's got the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen.
I need to go to bed.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Saturday, June 16, 2007
shake it like an english nanny in the states
I have got conjunctivitis. I am well pissed off, as all the things I had planned to do this weekend, I can't do. You know, like leave the house, or read books. I can only open one eye. I look like a right spaz. F was going to come and visit tomorrow but now I don't want him to because I look dreadful. Call me vain, but seriously, no one wants to see this. I look like I've been punched in the face.
Of course, the moral of the story is DON'T GO TO THE BARFLY. This is how I got conjunctivitis last time. But do I learn from mistakes? No.
Last night was wicked though, had a really good time at the skanky Ice Wharf and then at this random kebab-hummous-bar place with an Iranian Elvis, and then the Barfly, and then at A's house. I well want to move into A's house, it's proper middle class (fridge stocked with hummous and fizzy water, diabetic cat, original Pink Floyd paintings) and also A is such a cool girl.
I'm going to go and watch a film with my one good eye now.
Of course, the moral of the story is DON'T GO TO THE BARFLY. This is how I got conjunctivitis last time. But do I learn from mistakes? No.
Last night was wicked though, had a really good time at the skanky Ice Wharf and then at this random kebab-hummous-bar place with an Iranian Elvis, and then the Barfly, and then at A's house. I well want to move into A's house, it's proper middle class (fridge stocked with hummous and fizzy water, diabetic cat, original Pink Floyd paintings) and also A is such a cool girl.
I'm going to go and watch a film with my one good eye now.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
adventures in peroxide
I was just about to start writing and then I realised that what I was going to write was so similar to SS's blog, which I literally just read. Pure coincidence, we're both being shafted by the NHS. I went to hospital today and they had postponed my appointment without telling me - they say they've sent me a letter, I say it doesn't count if I haven't received it - and I nearly cried because I was so annoyed. Not only did I miss half the day at work (ie. money) but I really want to know what's wrong with my hip. So, I am going to do something really immoral. I'm going private. Though obviously still with my consultant, because he's awesome and he said I was "attractive" and "interesting" (I'm quoting my medical records here! - I love my medical records, they describe a much more exciting life than the life I really lead, in my view).
On the way home I went to Traid where everything is currently £2!!!! Bargain central. I saw a really nice pair of jeans but I'm too fat at the moment. Still, there were some really awesome dresses. I am going to wear more dresses I think. I don't have a particular "style", I look like I got dressed in the dark. But I think it works on me cos I'm not exactly conventional looking.
Last night was the final of The Apprentice. We made proper party food, sandwiches with the crusts cut off, sausage rolls (homemade veggie ones of course), cheese and pineapple on sticks, and all that kind of stuff. I love The Apprentice. I was surprised that Simon won though, I really thought Kristina would win. Afterwards, SB (who is staying for the week) and I watched a documentary about Britney Spears. It was awesome. The only thing better would have been one about Girls Aloud.
Nothing very exciting has been happening. Work is dull, and there's a strange atmosphere this week. I'm having a nice time at home with #1 and SB and #5. I got asked out by a man on the street today. I was offered tickets to Chicago but it all fell through. My uncle has been given 4 months to live, which is a quite depressing. My step-uncle has died. But he was ill for a long time. I like to look on the bright side of things, which is ironic really for a diagnosed manic depressive. I'm going to a reunion tomorrow with people I went to music college with.
I'm really bad at calling / texting / emailing - so I am aware I need to do this. I'll get onto it. Bone idle, me.
On the way home I went to Traid where everything is currently £2!!!! Bargain central. I saw a really nice pair of jeans but I'm too fat at the moment. Still, there were some really awesome dresses. I am going to wear more dresses I think. I don't have a particular "style", I look like I got dressed in the dark. But I think it works on me cos I'm not exactly conventional looking.
Last night was the final of The Apprentice. We made proper party food, sandwiches with the crusts cut off, sausage rolls (homemade veggie ones of course), cheese and pineapple on sticks, and all that kind of stuff. I love The Apprentice. I was surprised that Simon won though, I really thought Kristina would win. Afterwards, SB (who is staying for the week) and I watched a documentary about Britney Spears. It was awesome. The only thing better would have been one about Girls Aloud.
Nothing very exciting has been happening. Work is dull, and there's a strange atmosphere this week. I'm having a nice time at home with #1 and SB and #5. I got asked out by a man on the street today. I was offered tickets to Chicago but it all fell through. My uncle has been given 4 months to live, which is a quite depressing. My step-uncle has died. But he was ill for a long time. I like to look on the bright side of things, which is ironic really for a diagnosed manic depressive. I'm going to a reunion tomorrow with people I went to music college with.
I'm really bad at calling / texting / emailing - so I am aware I need to do this. I'll get onto it. Bone idle, me.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
it was a murder but not a crime...
I wasn't actually meant to be going out any night this last week but I went out every night. Oops. On Wednesday I went to Fleet, for a barbeque at F's house. It was lovely to be out of London, and good to hang out with my coursemates in a setting other than SOAS. Though the more I think about it, the more I will miss people - especially M, D, F and P. Boooooooo :(
On Thursday I drank lots of cocktails and I'm not writing about what happened next. Firky gave me some advice (randomly), which I will follow, though it wasn't exactly relevant either then or now. If that makes any sense whatsoever.
On Friday, our team went out after work for a meal, where I told SS (bear in mind that he is my manager) that he had a face like a bag of smashed crabs. It's terrible, I know, but I stole the phrase from DW (possibly the gayest man I know, who kissed me at xmas.... confusingly... clearly I am manly...) and I laughed so hard then and really wanted to use it. Obviously I don't think SS has a face like a bag of smashed crabs, it was revenge for being called "the supreme stinkbat, stinkbat above all other stinkbats". Anyway, good food, much wine, off to Trash Palace. I managed to spill more drink down my front (I already had miso soup down my front from lunchtime when me and MC had lunch together and discussed wanking and icecream, to the probable disgust of everyone else in the restaurant). The new guy at work came up to me and told me that he'd been getting very mixed signals from me, and was I a lesbian or not? Hilarity. I danced a lot to cheesy music, drank, and eyed up a cute girl who then left.
When I eventually I left, I fell asleep on the night bus and woke up in BROMLEY. Then I fell asleep at the bus stop waiting for the bus back into London. A guy came up to me and asked if we were anywhere near Elephant and Castle. I asked him if he'd fallen asleep too, and he said, panic stricken, "Oh my god, we're nowhere near Elephant, are we?" We assured each other that neither of us were weirdos, and took a cab together back to London. He was a very sweet, very gay, Irish nurse, and I was extremely grateful to him as he paid for the whole cab and dropped me off outside my flat.
Sometimes you gotta love London.
I have the flat to myself. I've been singing the Chicago and Bugsy Malone soundtracks extremely loudly, despite only having half a voice left. I'm moving onto the Silver Jews. I've painted my nails the exact colour of the plasters you have to use if you work in food preparation. I dropped some on the floor. SB is coming to stay this week and I am well excited. Last summer she came to stay and we spent most of the time trying to find each other when drunk, and eating a lot of hummus. Bring it on!
On Thursday I drank lots of cocktails and I'm not writing about what happened next. Firky gave me some advice (randomly), which I will follow, though it wasn't exactly relevant either then or now. If that makes any sense whatsoever.
On Friday, our team went out after work for a meal, where I told SS (bear in mind that he is my manager) that he had a face like a bag of smashed crabs. It's terrible, I know, but I stole the phrase from DW (possibly the gayest man I know, who kissed me at xmas.... confusingly... clearly I am manly...) and I laughed so hard then and really wanted to use it. Obviously I don't think SS has a face like a bag of smashed crabs, it was revenge for being called "the supreme stinkbat, stinkbat above all other stinkbats". Anyway, good food, much wine, off to Trash Palace. I managed to spill more drink down my front (I already had miso soup down my front from lunchtime when me and MC had lunch together and discussed wanking and icecream, to the probable disgust of everyone else in the restaurant). The new guy at work came up to me and told me that he'd been getting very mixed signals from me, and was I a lesbian or not? Hilarity. I danced a lot to cheesy music, drank, and eyed up a cute girl who then left.
When I eventually I left, I fell asleep on the night bus and woke up in BROMLEY. Then I fell asleep at the bus stop waiting for the bus back into London. A guy came up to me and asked if we were anywhere near Elephant and Castle. I asked him if he'd fallen asleep too, and he said, panic stricken, "Oh my god, we're nowhere near Elephant, are we?" We assured each other that neither of us were weirdos, and took a cab together back to London. He was a very sweet, very gay, Irish nurse, and I was extremely grateful to him as he paid for the whole cab and dropped me off outside my flat.
Sometimes you gotta love London.
I have the flat to myself. I've been singing the Chicago and Bugsy Malone soundtracks extremely loudly, despite only having half a voice left. I'm moving onto the Silver Jews. I've painted my nails the exact colour of the plasters you have to use if you work in food preparation. I dropped some on the floor. SB is coming to stay this week and I am well excited. Last summer she came to stay and we spent most of the time trying to find each other when drunk, and eating a lot of hummus. Bring it on!
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
pure camp, pure excitement, pure capitalisation
I'm getting really into Ed Cox. The world needs more clowncore and less work, especially when said work is sales leads.
That wasn't what I was going to write at all - something awesome has happened/is about to happen... One of my very oldest friends who I haven't seen in what seems like a million year is going to come and stay this summer! Our families have known each other for generations, and we spent a lot of time in our childhoods together, either at my parents house or at his parents flat in Paris or the house in the Ardeche. There are photos of us sharing baths, which obviously I can't put up here cos it would look like kiddie porn. But that's how far back it goes. But seriously, how fucking exciting - I can't wait. I haven't seen him since we were 14 and used to steal his mum's cigarettes and walk round to the other side of the mountain to smoke them (except that's a lie cos I was too chicken to smoke, and would just accompany him). I am WELL EXCITED.
Yesterday me, #1 and #5 found a tent in the cupboard and pitched it in the kitchen. See:
We're going to go camping near the white horse thing (Oxfordshire I think). I am EXCITED.
Also, the disability office just TEXTED me. That's weird.
That wasn't what I was going to write at all - something awesome has happened/is about to happen... One of my very oldest friends who I haven't seen in what seems like a million year is going to come and stay this summer! Our families have known each other for generations, and we spent a lot of time in our childhoods together, either at my parents house or at his parents flat in Paris or the house in the Ardeche. There are photos of us sharing baths, which obviously I can't put up here cos it would look like kiddie porn. But that's how far back it goes. But seriously, how fucking exciting - I can't wait. I haven't seen him since we were 14 and used to steal his mum's cigarettes and walk round to the other side of the mountain to smoke them (except that's a lie cos I was too chicken to smoke, and would just accompany him). I am WELL EXCITED.
Yesterday me, #1 and #5 found a tent in the cupboard and pitched it in the kitchen. See:
We're going to go camping near the white horse thing (Oxfordshire I think). I am EXCITED.Also, the disability office just TEXTED me. That's weird.
Sunday, June 03, 2007
The Bridge
I went to Strawberry Fair yesterday with M and D. It was weird to go back to Cambridge after so long away. I kind of felt that I should know more, and instead I felt like a bit of an outsider in the city I spent so much time in. It was nice to see friends that I hadn't seen in such an absurdly long time, but it was also strange because so many people that I used to know weren't there. It doesn't feel like home anymore, while still being so familiar. I'm glad I left, but at the same time I feel like I left a part of me behind. Gone are the days when I could walk down the street in Cambridge and see people I knew at every corner, and I do miss that. It's an insular kind of place, and it would drive me mad to live there... and yet....
We spent a lot of the day with H, who I hadn't seen in about a year and a half. I've known him since we played the violin together at various music things, when we were about 13 or thereabouts, although we didn't keep in touch all that time, and only became friends again when I was 17 (Cambridge is small - you see the same people again and again). He's such a lovely guy, and it was so cool to hang out properly yesterday. We're going to set up a business selling armpit wigs, in honour of our friend W, who dyed his armpit hair on the train once. I do miss Cambridge. I need to make more of an effort to keep in touch with H, because a gap of 18 months is a little excessive, especially for someone so nice.
They had proper airport security at Cambridge station, with knife checks and sniffer dogs. It was quite strange, though good I guess - I imagine a lot of people got caught with drugs. Sniffer dogs always weird me out cos they look all friendly and then they ignore you (so long as you have nothing on you). However, as this guy I used to know found out, if you run over and start petting them, then they'll lick you and be all normal, and the police will haul you off and search you. Then find nothing and have to make an apology.
On Friday I didn't wear a dress. Or I did, but it wasn't really a dress, it was a skirt worn as a dress. I met C and we drank wine in the park before buying some gin to drink at the club, on the sly like. I had a really good time, talked to lots of people, had an argument with B (he said I was addicted to cutting myself, I said no, then I said yes, then we made up and had some shots), talked politics with O (he said I was actually quite clever, but I think we all know the subtext - I know more than he'd expect from a white girl, although by this point I was quite drunk so I have no idea what I said... how white is that), didn't dance... I like the people in drama society, and I'm jealous of everyone who'll be there next year. I wish I'd done my MA part-time so I could have more time at SOAS, and also so I wasn't so strapped for cash. Can't change it now I guess, though retrospectively it was a crazy idea to do it full-time while working this much.
I still feel very let down and pissed off about what I was told the other day, but I am not going to let it show. I'm also going to make more of an effort all round. Though not today, because today I feel really miserable, and I stayed in bed most of the day. I think it would probably do me good to talk to someone but I don't know who I should talk to, because everyone has their own problems, and only a limited time to deal with everything in. So I think I just won't, I'll just read more Sebastian Faulks and stay in my room a lot until something happens to change this status quo. Much as I dislike being an observer/passenger in my own life, I have come to dislike any actions I take, so for now, I'm taking a passive role.
I'd really like a hug, thanks.
We spent a lot of the day with H, who I hadn't seen in about a year and a half. I've known him since we played the violin together at various music things, when we were about 13 or thereabouts, although we didn't keep in touch all that time, and only became friends again when I was 17 (Cambridge is small - you see the same people again and again). He's such a lovely guy, and it was so cool to hang out properly yesterday. We're going to set up a business selling armpit wigs, in honour of our friend W, who dyed his armpit hair on the train once. I do miss Cambridge. I need to make more of an effort to keep in touch with H, because a gap of 18 months is a little excessive, especially for someone so nice.
They had proper airport security at Cambridge station, with knife checks and sniffer dogs. It was quite strange, though good I guess - I imagine a lot of people got caught with drugs. Sniffer dogs always weird me out cos they look all friendly and then they ignore you (so long as you have nothing on you). However, as this guy I used to know found out, if you run over and start petting them, then they'll lick you and be all normal, and the police will haul you off and search you. Then find nothing and have to make an apology.
On Friday I didn't wear a dress. Or I did, but it wasn't really a dress, it was a skirt worn as a dress. I met C and we drank wine in the park before buying some gin to drink at the club, on the sly like. I had a really good time, talked to lots of people, had an argument with B (he said I was addicted to cutting myself, I said no, then I said yes, then we made up and had some shots), talked politics with O (he said I was actually quite clever, but I think we all know the subtext - I know more than he'd expect from a white girl, although by this point I was quite drunk so I have no idea what I said... how white is that), didn't dance... I like the people in drama society, and I'm jealous of everyone who'll be there next year. I wish I'd done my MA part-time so I could have more time at SOAS, and also so I wasn't so strapped for cash. Can't change it now I guess, though retrospectively it was a crazy idea to do it full-time while working this much.
I still feel very let down and pissed off about what I was told the other day, but I am not going to let it show. I'm also going to make more of an effort all round. Though not today, because today I feel really miserable, and I stayed in bed most of the day. I think it would probably do me good to talk to someone but I don't know who I should talk to, because everyone has their own problems, and only a limited time to deal with everything in. So I think I just won't, I'll just read more Sebastian Faulks and stay in my room a lot until something happens to change this status quo. Much as I dislike being an observer/passenger in my own life, I have come to dislike any actions I take, so for now, I'm taking a passive role.
I'd really like a hug, thanks.
Friday, June 01, 2007
Are you kidding, he looks 18 and he's wearing jazz shoes!
It's been ages since I updated this. I'd like to say that it's because I've been having a really awesome time doing all sorts of things, but in reality I've not. I've just been lazy.
Last night we went to GAY and I didn't pull, though RF licked my face and touched my breasts. Bless him, he has no idea about women (he paid me a high compliment when he said he thought of me almost like a man) and had to ask where the nipple would be. In some ways that's quite sweet but I do worry that it's not completely obvious.... Didn't we learn that stuff in biology? Though clearly what I remember from biology is very different from what men remember (for further proof see: oral sex). Anyway, good semi-clean fun and an amusing night out.
I went to the hospital and my consultant was away so I saw the registrar, but he said my scans are inconclusive (to him at least, but he's not a specialist) although it does seem I have some sort of growth on my bone. We had an argument about whether they should give me steroid injections in my bum, then I left.
I have various other things to write but a) I can't becuase I'm about to go out, and b) I can't because it would get me in trouble with people (because of who I want to write about, and what I would write). For once this doesn't mean I've been secretly shagging people I shouldn't, it just means that I can't write about how let down and disappointed I feel in full without getting myself in trouble.
Anyway. I need to stop ignoring my phone and emails. But first I need a bath/bottle of wine. I'm going to a party and I'm going to wear a dress.
Last night we went to GAY and I didn't pull, though RF licked my face and touched my breasts. Bless him, he has no idea about women (he paid me a high compliment when he said he thought of me almost like a man) and had to ask where the nipple would be. In some ways that's quite sweet but I do worry that it's not completely obvious.... Didn't we learn that stuff in biology? Though clearly what I remember from biology is very different from what men remember (for further proof see: oral sex). Anyway, good semi-clean fun and an amusing night out.
I went to the hospital and my consultant was away so I saw the registrar, but he said my scans are inconclusive (to him at least, but he's not a specialist) although it does seem I have some sort of growth on my bone. We had an argument about whether they should give me steroid injections in my bum, then I left.
I have various other things to write but a) I can't becuase I'm about to go out, and b) I can't because it would get me in trouble with people (because of who I want to write about, and what I would write). For once this doesn't mean I've been secretly shagging people I shouldn't, it just means that I can't write about how let down and disappointed I feel in full without getting myself in trouble.
Anyway. I need to stop ignoring my phone and emails. But first I need a bath/bottle of wine. I'm going to a party and I'm going to wear a dress.
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